Mass Hysteria

My theories on the LOST finale

2009-05-11T14:20:00.003-05:00

Hey gang, check out this blog to read about my thoughts on this week's Lost finale. It's bound to be a treat. And don't forget to click the links as you go for a more fulfilling adventure.

Yum.

update Robby the Robot makes his way! (i.e. new family blog)

2009-05-07T10:41:00.004-05:00

Hello, all six of you that actually read this blog. And by read, I mean in the past tense, seeing as how I haven't posted since September.

Yikes. I guess that's the curse of a first-year law student. Luckily, things are about to wind down as I have just three finals left (for which I ought to be studying right now).

But just an update: my wife has started a "family" blog of our family. Really, it's just a bunch of photos of our 4-month-old son, which are ad-or-able.

The picture is a representation of my Halloween costume for this year. Kelsi is going as my wife, and Jack is going as my oil can. Brilliant.

More posts to come with some sort of regularity. Stay tuned!

So here's the link to the family blog: www.johnandkelsigagnon.blogspot.com

I'm sorry in advance

2008-09-11T14:14:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't posted in what may seem like weeks, and it seems like that because it's true, but I have some good news.

Before I get to the good news, I need to apologize for this video. It's kind of representational of my life growing up in the suburbs, and I guess I just sorta connected with the mullet. Enjoy.

End of post. Good news to come.

Boyz in the Hood

2008-06-22T19:51:00.000-05:00

OK, so I'm selling security systems door-to-door this summer to help pay for law school. Here's an excerpt from a conversation I had whilst speaking with on of the prepubescent youths I met on my route near inner-city Indianapolis:

9-year-old boy
Hey! Whatchoo doin' there?

Me
Just selling alarms. What are you doing?

9-year-old boy
Tricks on my bike. How old are you?

Me
25. You?

9-year-old boy
Na-ane (nine). Can you do tyyyte tricks like this?
(Boy sits on seat of bike with legs hanging over the handle bars.)

Me
(Trying not too sound too lame) Yeah, but it'd have to be a bigger bike.

9-year-old boy
Tyyte. Now what about ramping one of those cars up to the street lamp? Then down the roof? That'd be tyyyyyyyyyyte!

Me
Probably if I had a harness.

6-year-old brother of 9-year-old boy
HJakjshasjh h bike jaijfn jkljlakj bike lalkh. Tyyyyyyyyte!

9-year-old boy
Hey, shut up. Man's gotta go to work!
(Pause)
Can you like stand on the top of the bike and then do a flip and then land back on the bike? That'd be tyyyyyte!

Me
You mean like SpiderMan?

9-year-old boy
Yeah.

Me
I don't think so.

6-year-old brother of 9-year-old boy
HJakjshasjh h SpiderMan jaijfn jkljlakj SpiderMan lalkh. Tyyyyyyyyte!

9-year-old boy
Hey, shut up. Man's gotta go to work.
(Pause)
Can you ramp up the car on the light, then do a pop-a-wheelie on the top? That'd be tyyyyyte!

--------------

So this went on, in this pattern, for about 10 minutes. Each day I passed those kids, the same thing would happen, with the 9-year-old kid showing me some new tricks he learned from his older, much more skilled brother. Because "he was 20."

Tyte.

My wife is sick, but I'm pregnant too. I think.

2008-06-15T20:21:00.001-05:00

OK, so I don't know where my little peanut of a son or daughter gets it from, but ultrasounds show that our new baby is rhythmically astute. Now, I've seen Kelsi "dance" and those of you who know me know understand that I require two sets of parenthesis when using the term dance, so I'm not sure.

The friendliness of our baby has to come from Kelsi. It was waving to the camera during the length of the its debut, but we're not sure until it comes out what that all means. It could simply be mocking us.

Probably mocking.

But yeah, we're having a baby. Which is a funny thought. Not really the baby part of it, but that couples say "we're having a baby." The last time I checked, I'm not the one with a fetus inside my uterus (I have one?) causing uncontrolled nausea fits and a weak bladder.

Yet, we're preggers. Which is the endearing term I give my wife.

So we have pictures of the ultrasound, and they'll be up shortly, but for now anyone interested will just have to check this out, it's the closest thing to what I saw in the doctor's office:

On a side note, I could blog about that video for days--mainly as to why there wasn't any soundtrack to the taping.

Blech.

But it's a really happy time for me right now. And it mostly all has to do with "us" being preggers. Kelsi is due January 2, so I might have her induced for tax purposes. Oh the bliss of modern medicine.

So we've considered names (well, I've got a list) that starts with Zero if it's a boy and Seffola if it's a girl. Let me know what you think, and let me know if you or anyone else had an ultrasound that looked like an alien. And we'll have pics up shortly.

Pace, gioia.

It's OK; Call Me a Basker

2008-05-25T17:22:00.000-05:00

Is someone that basks in nostalgia known as a nostalgia basker? I don't think that basker is an appropriate noun, but right now I don't care much.

Who doesn't get a little bit nostalgic when times change and we move on in life?

Maybe Kevin Sorbo, but certainly not for any one reason.

I've been working this summer doing some door-to-door sales in order to try and pay for law school in the fall, and any down time I have is rare. We're working long, rigorous days and when i do have a moment or two, I try to spend it with my wife Kelsi. off and on for the last few weeks, however, I've been playing with Adobe CS3, and to get some things down, I work on Comic Frenzy media: posters, websites, and the like.

In some of the latest ideas I've had for a CF poster, I Facebook-stalked some of our older troupe members and began to reminisce about the good ole' days of my college-level improv comedy. Doing mediocre-at-best-designs gives me outlet, but also binds me to CF memories.

I'm done with my undergraduate work, and thereby done with Comic Frenzy.

Comic Frenzy has been many people's improv troupe of choice (in terms of participation) since early 2002. We've become friends, performed for mothers and high-schoolers, and even created theme song (see JD Taylor).

For six years Comic Frenzy has had a prominent place in my consciousness: eclipsing school, food and water, and even old videos of Whoopi Goldberg screen tests.

Often I think that after law school I'll open up an improv comedy club and run my law office out of it (see Ed ). But I catch myself thinking that I won't find actors suitable for the brand of comedy people would laugh at, and eventually attach themselves to. Because Comic Frenzy, to me, is more than just putting on a good show; we sought connections with our audiences. With most comedy, people found the laughter in embarrassing situations without being embarrassed themselves.

I hope that people who know us can sense that for an hour and a half on a weekend's show (and sometimes 15 hours of preparation during a week) , we seek to relieve--albeit momentarily--
whatever troubles they might bring with them to the show.

If people could leave our shows without thoughts of their own problems, we felt success.

And though I'm only a short time removed from being able to perform as a member of Comic Frenzy, I miss it as though it's been much longer. And with an indeterminate time in which a passion of the past 10 years has no more outlet for me, I reminisce.

Void of James Blunt.

James Blunt is a lyrical marauder

2008-04-19T10:34:00.000-05:00

OK, so it's been a long while since my last post, and I'm sure not many people noticed. But here's something that has been bothering me lately:

Traveling from Idaho to Oklahoma recently, my wife and I listened to XM Radio and endured many a James Blunt song.

I have concurred that James Blunt is fooling us all. He's a singer, but certainly not a songwriter. Allow me to illustrate.

In his song "You're Beautiful". By the way, I hate this song--and mostly for its inconsistencies.

Here's the first verse of that atrocity:

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

OK, he says he has a plan. I'm curious now. I want to know what exactly his plan is. But I'm not quite sure why he mentions that his life is brilliant and his love is pure. Aside from that tangent, let's proceed to the next verse--the verse that logically ought to enlighten us with what Mr. Blunt's plan is.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Flying high, [ - video/radio edited version]
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

Did I miss something, or does this verse just not make sense in relation to the previous? Basically, it's the same introductory verse as the first--just with different lyrics. And he still doesn't go back to his plan. So now I have to be left wondering, "Is he going to stalk her? Beat up her other man? Imagine she's with him while at the petting zoo?"

I'm getting sick thinking about it.

And if I search the chorus of the song, I still can't find anything. Look for yourself.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

OK, really. How has this "love" song become popular? Is society just drawn to guys that play guitars and sing falsetto?

Let me know what you think.

Pronto? Pronto? Pronto?

2008-03-10T15:50:00.000-05:00

So I just started a new, albeit temporary, job as a telemarketer. We sell a service that helps people clear up their credit reports. Technically, I'm a paralegal--but I don't handle law cases, and I never speak to an attorney. Basically, I think the title is just to make us feel valued.

So what is a college graduate doing working at a call center? Well, that's none of your business.

But today was my first day. Well, my first real day. Last week was an exhilarating week of training that lead to two days of "practice" sales. Meaning that we were on the phones, and anything we screwed up would politely be cleaned up by our trainer and a smile.

Not so much today.

Not that I screwed up or anything today. In fact, it was quite successful. In 8 hours I made one sale and contacted over 240 people. I left more than 185 messages on voicemail, and had two people get all the way through my spiel only to ask me to call back tomorrow. Not excruciating at all.

Not that I blame them, mind you. It's not like I won't enjoy a nice break from the monotony of 5 rings and someone ending with: "...have a blessed day." It'll be a downright joy to actually speak with a living soul who isn't questioning me up and down thinking that "I'm John from ________" is code for "why is this ____ calling my wife/girlfriend/boyfriend?!"

But either way, it's not too bad. Sure, I just spent good money and time on a college education that got me a nice job as a creative team member with a company that had to downsize two months later and has now led me to a call center that will pay me a commission or $6 dollars per hour.

Whichever comes first. And hey, it's a steady job with great hours.

Starting at 6 a.m.

I must be crazy

2008-03-09T19:55:00.001-05:00

I'm not sure which is worse: Going crazy and knowing it, or doing the whole thing as an unabashed ignoramus.

Either way, I'm off to law school in the fall. The University of Oklahoma School of Law, to be precise. (I feel that I need to say cliches like thatin order to fit in with all the courtroom drama I see unfold on television.)

In all honesty, I'm really excited. The studying that might feel like taking a tack hammer to the skull isn't so exciting--but in a way, it sort of is.

So in order to perfect my legalese, I need to get out of my write-as-much-as-possible-with-as-few-words-as-possible way of going about things. Apparently in legal writing, if you can write something in 789 words that the typical person writes in a little under 9.5, you're on your way.

It should be a good time. And if anyone has any ideas as to which medication I should be on, please feel free to let me know.

**By the way, the photo was taken from a website called wackyboxes2005.com.

Skittles joy

2008-03-04T17:59:00.000-06:00

Touch the rainbow. Taste the rainbow.

President Gordon B. Hinckley Dies

2008-01-27T22:54:00.000-06:00

Well, it's a disappointing Sunday evening for the members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (the Mormons). The prophet and leader of the Church, Gordon B. Hinckley, died this evening from complications related to age, according to the Associated Press.

On a personal note, I'm saddened by the loss of such a wonderful man, but I feel a bit happy for him, now being able to be reunited with his wife, who passed just a couple of years ago.

He was the only president of the Church that I really "got to know." I watched him for 10 years as the prophet, and the words he said were truly drenched with inspiration and wisdom. The world will miss his presence, but the Lord's work will continue to go forth.

If a short time, the First Presidency will dissolve, and a new prophet will be chosen (the pattern is that the most senior apostle will be called--Thomas S. Monson).

And with all the media this might get (already on teh front pages of CNN.com, FoxNEws.com, NYTimes.com, and certainly LDS.org), along with the MItt Romney news going about, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints came out with an updated video that was originally shown to media folk before the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake.

It's about 10 minutes long, so get something to drink and some pretzels.

Something to nibble on during finals...

2007-12-07T01:42:00.000-06:00

So I watched Conan tonight whilst in the midst of a late-night break from studying and saw a comedian on named John Mulaney, who I had never heard of before. At first, I was carefully scrutinizing his routine to see if I liked it, and then I couldn't scrutinize any longer. He was hilarious.

And yes, robots are funny--but you can't compare this to robots. It's an apples to oranges comparison.

Enjoy.

Thanksgiving week

2007-11-25T14:45:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving was this week, as I'm sure it was for most of you--and even more, considering about 3 people visit this site every year.

It was nice to spend time with my parents and siblings and hang out with my wife's parents and siblings. This is the time of year when being away at school makes people reminiscent of earlier days and the prospect of time with family is oh so attractive. The teasing and familial comforts abound this time of year, which makes me grateful to know that my relationship with my wife will continue beyond this life, and we'll have the same sociality then as we do now.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has started a new campaign, one I saw in Kansas a little while back, about God's truth being restored to Earth.

Check out this video from a convert to the church who shares her experience about what prompted her to find "truth."

I just threw up a little in my mouth...

2007-10-20T13:53:00.000-05:00

I wonder what people are thinking sometimes. My friends and I were just "researching" which books have come under scrutiny, challenges and bans.

Where is our society going? Some of the reasons for these books being banned--for which you might want to Google for yourself--are mystifying. Here are some of my favorite books that have been banned or challenged:

Death of a Salesman
Of Mice and Men
Where's Waldo?
Farenheit 451
The Grapes of Wrath
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
Animal Farm
Hamlet

The Bible

The Lorax
1984
Brave New World
The Wealth of Nations
Rights of Man --- Thomas Paine
Civil Disobedience

Believe me, friends--this was hard to write. So what do you think? Do you agree? Disagree?
Comment on books you love that have been banned, or books you think should be banned.

Gotta go. I think the season finale of The Surreal Life is on.
I kid because I care.

A word about criminology...

2007-10-18T16:47:00.001-05:00

Life can be dangerous. There all sorts of ruffians out there who are just looking to take advantage of us, no matter what. So what can we do?

Nothing, really.

Unless we learn some self-defense. That's right, some self-defense has always gone a long way in protecting our friends and family from up-to-no-gooders whose sole function in life is to be up to no good. And I'm done with it. I believe in general deterrence, and this, I think, is what we need to do!

The weekend WHY

2007-05-20T22:21:00.000-05:00

So when two people have a fondness for one another, when is it "robbing the cradle?"

I'm sure all of you who read this (probably not even one person) have thought that same question. Partly because you've probably had a crush on a guy or girl 5 or 10 years older than you, or in that rare case, you are that 10-year senior to your crush. If that is the case, and you're 10 years older, please check out Match.com or your local LDS SIngles ward and choose a more appropriate age. Unless the youngest of a couple has crossed the threshold for 30, that kind of thing shouldn't be going on.

Imagine saying to your beloved during a road trip: "This song was my senior class' song. Right when it came out, I graduated," he says. "Really? I was 8 when it came out."

----------------------------------

The above line is the one you shouldn't cross.

...

So tennis was the lead sports story for the Wall Street Journal weekend edition. A waste of space, if you ask me. And not because I don't like tennis. But who is going to want to go out and play tennis after they've just spent the entire day reading the Wall Street Journal? And not out of leisure, but because it takes that long to get through the thing! It's the only mainstream newspaper I can think of that has it's own jargon--it's called rich.

Cookies, donuts, championship soccer

2007-05-15T10:30:00.000-05:00

Greetings, friends.

Things have been excititing over here in Stillwater the last little while. I still haven't found a job (after applying nearly everywhere in town), so I've been power washing my parents' fence and other yard work to make some money. Most of the time I've been eating Krispy Kreme donuts and studing for the LSAT.

The LSAT is hard. Really hard. I've done a few practice exams so far, and they're getting better, but at times it's as though I'm trying to deadlift any significant amount of weight. Any of you who know me that any significant amount of weight is about 4 times more than I weigh.

Luckily, the class I'm taking is getting me prepared.

Last night my indoor soccer team played in the championship game. Did we win? To be honest, I would say that we got beat like a red-headed step child.

Speaking of red-headed step children, where did that phrase come from? How many red heads are step children and how many of them are really beaten? Maybe as a society we're just accepting the role of punching bag. I mean, remember Cheaper by the Dozen? The red head they called FedEx was also one who was physically and mentally abused to the point that he had intimate walks and talks with a frog named Beans.

Sheesh.

Anyway, the team that beat us indeed clobbered us, with a final score of 13-6. Now mind you, in our league, goals scored by girls count for two. Their girls scored six goals, accounding for 12 points. They were, let's say, sturdy, girls. Believe me, I ran into them at times.

But, to our avail, my fiancee, Kelsi, scored twice to keep things moderately respectable.

I need to take a breathe.

So I need to study more, and I'm going to try to update this blog more than once every 9 months. Or one per kid.

Ciao.

A bit quicker, please...

2006-09-06T22:38:00.000-05:00

I'm not quite sure why peolple move so slow--and so abhorrently on purpose. Apparently they know that I'm in some sort of hurry and find joy in causing me to downshift my little legs from fourth (OK, maybe third) gear to first.

Simply wretched.

Have you ever gone to the mall, looking for one thing and then get stuck by a group of middle-aged women that walk in a group, taking up the entire hallway, all the while looking around the mall as if in there for the first time? I wonder if wat they do is purposeful as well...

Naa...

Another group that comes to mind is the stereotypical asian tourist group. You know, I've never been to a single asian country, but I'd bet that all they do (besides watching Yu-Gi-Oh!) is look at one-anothers' scrapbooks. Seriously. Have you seen how many pictures they take of the same place? I swear when I was in Italy the same girl with a british flag t-shirt was "holding" up the Tower of Pisa for like 45 minutes.

I also remember some street vendor that sold replaceable flashbulbs.

But I digress.

When thinking about these groups, I wonder if I don't take advantage of life's small beauties like they do. Sometimes I think it probably pays to take it easy and enjoy the lovliness around.

I'm still new at the blog thing.

Lovely. Very lovely.

2006-09-04T18:22:00.000-05:00

Well, I must say that I don't care for all the font choices---or should I say lack thereof. This is the first time I've even "blogged".

We'll see how well I keep up with it.